


Tarzan the Caveman

by Kaname84



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-07 06:59:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16403543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaname84/pseuds/Kaname84
Summary: Eren has had enough and just wants his life to be simple, kind of like a caveman’s. He soon gets his wish and wakes up in the jungle with a caveman of his own. One-shot.





	Tarzan the Caveman

 

 _I hate my life, I hate it!_ Mikasa wouldn't get off my back about everything, Armin knew everything and constantly told me all my decisions were wrong, Jean purposely pissed me off every second he was in my presence and I couldn't even remember the last time I got laid! Then today I got fired because apparently when you're in customer service you become a perfect robot that has to take people's shit. A guy came at me saying I had attempted to steal his girlfriend and tried to punch me. Okay, first of all, I was gay, alright. And second of all, it was my fucking job to be nice and being nice was not the same as flirting! He was trying to hit me so I defended myself and may have broken his nose. He got off scott free and I got fired for assaulting patrons. _Where is the justice?! Where?! Please tell me, I will buy a one way ticket to the sweet town of justice right this second._  
  
I slammed my front door and threw my jacket on the floor. Then I kicked off my shoes and flopped down on my couch. It just wasn't fair. I wasn’t perfect, but I was a pretty decent guy, alright? I didn't drink, I didn't do drugs, I paid my taxes and I always had my friend's back. I may have a short temper and be a little rash, but I was a good guy. _So why did life have to suck so much?_ Snatching the remote from the coffee table, I turned on the TV. The history channel came on with some monotone voice talking about cavemen. _I bet they never had to deal with injustice. For them it was simple: you hunt, you sleep, you shit._ That was life. Mother nature was the judge and you did your best to survive. _Maybe I would've been better off as a caveman, running around and swinging a spear. I would freaking love that life._  
  
-Time Break-  
  
I woke up feeling hot and the sunlight was assaulting my eyelids. My back hurt and it felt like I had slept on the ground. I groaned and reluctantly sat up, slowly opening my eyes. _Green? Why is there so much green?_ I blinked a few times before I realized what I was seeing was real. _It’s a tree . . . well more like trees . . . and bushes too. It kind of looks like a-_  
  
"WHAT THE HELL?!" I screamed and jumped to my feet.  
  
_This is a dream, right?_ I mean, there was no other explanation as to why I was in the middle of a goddamn forest! Or was it a jungle? _Fuck, I don't know but I am freaking out! Calm down, Eren, get your shit together. I'm not losing my mind, I'm not. This is just-just some joke, yeah!_ A really, really unlikely joke that someone had played on me . . . probably Jean. Oh who was I kidding, there was no way Jean could come up with this prank, much less the money to do it. It had to be a dream. I pinched myself to wake up but nothing happened. I did it a few more times to be sure. _No no no no no no, this doesn't happen. People don't just wake up in forests and jungles, oh damn it all, I'm officially insane._  
  
After about another five minutes of this, I finally accepted that I was in fact lost in a forest. Or a jungle. _Great, just my luck. I guess I might as well suck it up and find food, water, and shelter._ Those were the necessities, right? Oh fuck, I had no idea what I was doing. I was gonna die, this was the end! _No, get it together! You are Eren freaking Yeager, you can do this! You can do this. You can-_  
  
*Snap*  
  
_W-WHAT WAS THAT?!_ A tiger? A jaguar? A bear? Those were all in the Jungle Book . . . . . . I crouched down in a bush and listened closely, my heart pounding in my ears, creating some interference. God, I hoped it was an elephant or something nice and not a predator. The minutes ticked by and nothing happened. Had I imagined it? Did whatever it was move on? I waited a few more minutes before I raised my head out of the itchy bush. _If there's any poison ivy, I am going to flip my shit . . . again._ I looked around but saw nothing amiss. The only sounds were some birds calling and some insects. _Okay, back to surviving._ I sighed a breath of relief and made my way through the jungle once more. The trees were freaking huge and a lot of the bushes were bigger than me.  
  
After a few hours of walking, I heard the roar of a waterfall and quickly made my way towards it. My jaw dropped at the size of it, it was enormous, the water was rushing so fast. Massive rocks peaked out from the fall, adding to the flush and waves. It was definitely not a river to swim in. The possibility of being swept away was a no brainer. It was deadly but it was beautiful. I went towards the edge and watched the rapids sway and fight against each other, the spray cooling my hot skin. I was about to sit and take a break when my stomach growled. _Why didn't I eat before I got kidnapped and stranded?_ My stomach was not to be taken lightly, it was a beast.  
  
I considered seeing if I could find some berries but I wasn’t not Armin, I couldn't tell which are poisonous and which aren't. Maybe some mangos or peaches or I didn't know, what kind of food did you find in the jungle? This was a little embarrassing. I was an outdoorsy person, I was athletic, I could climb trees better than a monkey ready to munch on some bananas. So why didn't I know more about nature? _This just isn't right, man._ My stomach growled again and I sighed. _It doesn't matter what it is anymore, I need to find something edible. Looks like I have to go ba-_  
  
My thought was cut short as a black figure dashed out from the bushes, causing my adrenaline to spike. I stood there frozen while a freaking prehistoric jaguar stared me down. _OH SHIT!_ My teal-green eyes quickly focused on the large cat's movements. If it so muched as twitched, I was running for it. Sure enough, it started stalking towards me and I bolted, causing it to break out into a pursuing run. It easily caught up to me despite how fast I was, trying to take coverage in the forest. The big cat tackled me and my heart burst out of my chest, my body turning only to have my arm bitten.  
  
"Ahhhhhh!" I screamed in pain. It's teeth tore through the skin and muscles on my left arm, damn near meeting the bone.  
  
With a desperate burst of energy, I kicked the jaguar hard in the stomach. It let go of my arm to hiss and I used my good arm to back up into the truck of a tree. There was no way I could climb to safety in this condition and weren't jaguar's good at climbing too? My brow was covered in sweat as I fought to remain conscious, the pain unbearable. _I can't run, I can't escape. I don't want to die like this but if it's really the end, then I'm not going down without a fight. At the very least I'll give this fluffy bastard indigestion._ The black cat lunged at me once more and I clenched my eyes shut, fear getting the better of me for a second, but I still had every intention of struggling. I heard rather than saw the cat yelp in pain, my eyes hastily opening again to see what happened. A short man with black hair stood before me in nothing but a leopard patterned loincloth. His toned back was facing me while he jabbed a very sharp spear at the big cat. His first attack having injured the animal's shoulder, blood dripping from the deep wound.  
  
_What in the actual hell is going on? This guy, whoever he was, just saved my ass and is protecting me._ The black cat moved left and right, trying to get around the long stick but the man wasn't having it. His hands guided the spear in a warrior like manner as he blocked any advances. He was calm and unrelenting in his jabs and swipes, the jaguar getting more and more frustrated. My head was dizzy and I had no idea how much blood I'd lost. Before I could see how this battle ended, my grip on consciousness slipped and I passed out, darkness taking me.  
  
-Time Break-  
  
I woke up surrounded by warmth. My whole body felt soft fur around me, trying to take me back to sleep. The stinging in my left arm kept me from falling and my mind caught up to the present. I opened my eyes and slowly sat up, taking in my surroundings. _Where am I?_ I was laying in a bed made entirely of animal fur skins, a couple draped over me. Walls made of rock fanned out and came around to an entrance further ahead of me. The only light was from the setting sun that dimly lit the cave. Strange tools and weapons were neatly sitting on a rock ledge to my right, a familiar spear on the ground in front of it. _Wait, this is that man's cave isn't it?_ He must have brought me here after I passed out. _Woah, then that means he totally kicked that jaguar's ass!_ I scanned the cave again but the man was nowhere to be found.  
  
I looked at my throbbing arm to find it wrapped in weird leaves stuck in place. It was tight and a little oily around the wound but the pain was nothing near what it was earlier. So he had dressed my arm too? I really owed the guy, he saved my life. _Hang on, where the fuck is my shirt?_ I moved the fur blanket off of me to search only to realize my pants were gone too. Okay, I could understand my shirt but why the hell did he take my pants? I couldn't go walking around the jungle in just my boxers! Then again, that guy was dressed in nothing but a loin cloth. I guess my clothes looked really odd to him and he might have gotten rid of them. I hoped he didn't and that they were lying around here somewhere.  
  
My eyes searched the area for the third time but my only new discovery was a pile of sticks to my left. There weren't any places to hide them, everything was out in the open. I sighed and shook my head. _At this point, I'm not even surprised. Can something please go my way for once? Pretty please?_ My stomach growled to remind me I was hungry too, tossing the plea right back in my face. Though I guess that caveman showing up was the only good thing that would happen to me today. I could put up with everything else for that fact, he had saved me and all. _I'd rather be like this than dead. No contest._  
  
I heard a noise and looked up to see the leopard loincloth man entering the cave. He was carrying some type of fruit and . . . _is that fish? Whatever, its food._ I tried not to drool as he came closer, but then I almost did for another reason. This guy was freaking ripped. I worked out and had a pretty nice body, but him, he was sculpted. His black hair was miraculously shaped in an undercut, bangs just falling over his blue-gray eyes. _Those eyes, what the hell?_ He was looking at me funny and I bashfully threw a fur blanket over my shoulders to cover myself. His eyes narrowed at the action, suddenly coming up right in front of me. I may or may not have made a manly squeak.  
  
"W-What?" I asked the now very close caveman, my heart rate starting to pick up.  
  
He dropped the food in a large bowl at the side of the bed that I swear wasn't there before. He then sat beside me, reaching over to grab the fur I was wrapped in. I clutched the blanket as he tried to tug it away from me. It was futile, the guy was stronger than I was and ripped it away with ease. He grunted at me, the deep sound stopping me from picking up another one of the furs. His eyes were still narrowed while he took my injured arm in his hands, looking it over.  
  
"Oh . . . you just wanted to check my wound?" I asked, feeling a little guilty. _How was I supposed to know? It's not like I'm a mind reader or grunt interpreter._  
  
He didn't respond to my voice and kept examining the leaves. His touch was surprisingly gentle, soft even. I quietly watched his hands before looking at his face that was drawn in concentration. It made him seem more intelligent, not that I thought he was an idiot or something. His blue-gray eyes were so sharp, as if they never missed a detail. I found myself blushing when those eyes suddenly met mine and he let go of my arm. He grunted again, this time softly, and moved closer to sniff my hair. I let out another manly squeak and shuffled backwards until my back hit the cave wall, grabbing another fur to cover my lap. I swear on everything I love, the caveman smirked at my reaction.  
  
"Don't laugh at me." I huffed, offended even if it was hot. He started to crawl towards me and I gripped the fur blanket tighter. "H-hey now, stay over there Tarzan."  
  
The name just came out, but the situation suited it just fine. He was an unknown and mysterious jungle man with a body made to kill while I was a very flustered and defenseless Jane. However this Tarzan seemed to want to take off more than my glove. In fact, he had already stripped me down to my underwear! I held out my good arm as some type of weak barrier to stop him, but it ended up backfiring once my hand came into contact with his firm chest. _Oh for fucks sake._ The gay gods were seriously testing me here. How was I supposed to resist Tarzan when he's everything I could want, only shorter? I could smell him now, all musk and for sure all man. He leaned in and sniffed right where my ear met my neck. A shiver ran through my body and he took advantage of the fact, making quick work of the blanket. Blood rushed to my groin and my heart pounded in excitement despite myself.  
  
"W-wait a second." I stammered even though my hand decided to take a detour over his chest. Really, how could it not?  
  
Whatever I was going to say next was forgotten as he nibbled my ear, one hand coming to rest on my thigh. What the hell . . . I didn't even know caveman could seduce, but surely that's what was happening on this here fur bed. I just needed to decide if I was going down without a fight or not. I wasn't sure if I could put up a fight! By the way my body was reacting I was more than willing. Tarzan hummed before positioning his knees between mine, spreading my legs. My breath hitched and my hands moved to his shoulders. _Shit. It’s as if he's done this before._ His mouth grazed along my jaw and his strong hands found my hips. The next thing I knew I was being pulled onto his lap and away from the cave wall.  
  
"Uh!" I groaned when my bad arm flexed.  
  
Tarzan cradled me to his chest and ran his hands up and down my back. Who knew cavemen would be so gentle? I couldn't believe this, I was really in a random cave about to be ravaged by this man. It had been forever since I got laid and I'll be damned if his growing erection didn't feel good against my ass. He moved me down on my back against the furs, suddenly diving down and pulling my boxers away. My stomach dropped and my eyes widened while he took my hard cock into his mouth.  
  
"Oh fuck!" I moaned, the heat and slickness of his tongue almost too much already.  
  
Forget any thoughts of hesitation, I needed this right now. Hell, my cock needed this right now. Tarzan sucked and teased, occasionally pulling back to lap at the tip. _Seriously, did I come across some advanced version of a caveman? Surely they weren't all this skilled in bed._ Before I could think about it anymore, one hand held my waist down and the other massaged my balls. I moaned my satisfaction and frustration, unable to thrust into the hot pleasure he was giving me. My hand found his hair and my head fell to the side as he sucked harder, taking in all I had to offer. His dark mane was softer than I thought possible and my mind was numb to any pain my left arm might have been feeling. It had been too long, I was close, there was no way I could hold out like this.  
  
"I-I'm . . . ahhh, I'm gonna . . ."  
  
I chanced a glance in his direction, trying to warn him but that ended up begin my undoing. His glazed over blue-gray eyes meet teal-green and he squeezed my balls. My mouth opened in a silent shout as I came in his throat, his lips never leaving my member. My body went slack when he finally let go of my softened cock. My breath came out in huffs while he moved over to sit on the edge of the for bed. I lazily watched him pick up a piece of fruit, taking a bite. _What the fuck?_  
  
"Is that it?" I asked as I sat up, conscientiously moving a blanket over my lower half.  
  
Tarzan turned his head at my voice and took another bite of the light orange food. _So I guess this means he gets really hungry after giving a blow job?_ His still tented loincloth caught my attention and I scooted over until I was sitting next to him. He watched me closely, his eyes still a bit clouded. I reached towards his crotch to return the favor but was surprised when he pushed my hand away with another one of his grunts.  
  
"What? You're just going to stay like that?" I snapped. It kind of pissed me off that he could do whatever he damn well pleased while apparently I wasn't allowed to.  
  
He grabbed another piece of fruit and shoved it into my hands, my stomach growling on cue like the traitor it was. So maybe I was starving but I could wait and make him come first. I opened my mouth to speak again when he glared, the sudden change in attitude making me keep quiet. I wasn't easily intimidated but this caveman could kill with that glare of his. It might be in my best interest to do what he wants for now since he did save my life and help release some of my sexual frustration. I brought the orange food up to my lips and skeptically took a bite of the unknown fruit. I hummed at the unsuspected taste, it was rich and a little on the sweet side. I made quick work of that delicious fruit and licked my sticky fingers. Tarzan grunted and I looked over to see him smirking again, his own fruit only half eaten.  
  
"Yeah yeah, I was hungry." I said and waved it off. He offered the rest of his to me but I shook my head.  
  
"I'd rather have another whole one." I admitted with a chuckle.  
  
He stared at me for a moment before finishing it and reached down to grab a fish next. He moved to hand it to me and I shook my head again.  
  
"No way, Tarzan. We're cooking that first." I said and pointed to the pile of sticks.  
  
He raised an eyebrow at me but seemed to get what I wanted. He put the fish back and brought the sticks over to me. I picked out a few and moved the rest around for a fire, keeping it a safe distance away. My arm started throbbing again and I ignored the feeling as I found two nearby rocks. I might not be able to tell which berries are poisonous or not, but I can start a fire no problem. It was difficult to get the stones to cooperate though because my arm refused to keep being ignored. However I wasn't about to eat raw fish and kept trying. The fire finally lit and Tarzan jumped back, quickly grabbing his spear. He glared at the flames and pointed the spear at it for a few moments. My brow was furrowed in confusion at his behavior until it hit me, _he's never seen fire before._  
  
"Hey, it's okay." I told him as I warmed up my hands. He glanced at me and then back at the fire.  
  
Once he realized it wasn't attacking, he sat back down. His spear went back to the ground, no longer needed. The heat started warming up my body as well as the inside of the cave. Tarzan tilted his head as he watched the flames move in fascination. I tried to think if I was ever this awestruck when I first saw fire, but I knew I couldn't have been. After all, I had known fire existed before laying eyes on it. My attention came back to him when he started to reach towards the flames.  
  
"Don't!" I yelled and smacked his hand away, not wanting him to get burned.  
  
He narrowed his blue-gray eyes and smacked me upside the head.  
  
"Ow! The fuck?" I cursed and glared at him.  
  
Granted he didn't know any better but that was no reason to haul off and hit me with his caveman strength! I sighed, letting it go cause he'd probably kick my ass in a fight so I pointed to the fish instead. He huffed before handing three of them to me and I put them on the sticks I had set aside. We sat in silence as he watched me cook the fish, seeming to make mental notes so he could try it out later. After the fish was done, we ate in silence, the caveman making sure that I ate two of them. I was flattered that he was making sure I was well fed, but I didn't want him to go without. Though, there was more fruit so if he was really hungry he probably would've eaten some. Well, in any case, this was one crazy situation I found myself in. Now that I had a source for food, shelter, and water my mind drifted to what happens next. _How do I get home? Will I be stuck here forever? I don't even know where I am._  
  
I knew I complained about Mikasa, Armin and Jean but that didn't mean I never wanted to see them again. Mikasa may have always been on my case like she was my mother, but I knew she means well. Armin might be a know it all, but he had always used his knowledge to help me out. Jean was an asshole but always backed me up when I found myself in a fight. They really got on my nerves sometimes and made me want to bury my head in the sand. Yet that still didn't change the fact that they were the most important people in my life. They've been there for me since elementary school and just thinking about them made my heart clench. Tarzan suddenly pushed me on my back again, pulling me out of my thoughts. I looked up into his blue-gray eyes and saw his face drawn up in what could only be concern. He grunted and nosed my neck, laying his weight on top of me.  
  
"Is this your way of comforting me?" I smiled and patted his head.  
  
He licked my neck in answer and grinded his hips down on mine. If he's wanting to pick up where we left off, I'm all for it. I trailed my hands down his toned back and spread my legs when he moved the fur blanket from in between us. He started biting my shoulder and neck gently, his erection rubbing mine through his leopard loincloth. We humped each other for a few moments before my hands moved lower to get rid of his only piece of clothing. He helped me slide it down his legs and then thrust against me, showing how big he really was. I hissed at the friction and silently vowed that if he stopped this time I was going to punch him. The feel of his cock on mine was short lived as he went to lap at my erection again. I groaned and threw my head back, hating and loving it at the same time. It was hard to decide whether I wanted him to suck me again or just get on with it and take me.  
  
The soft bite to the head of my member made it easy to decide and I let him have his way. Who was I to come between him and my cock? My breath started coming out in huffs, my lungs struggling to keep up with his sinful mouth. It only lasted for a few more moments before he released me and tongued at my entrance. My eyes widened and I let out a manly squeal, trying to move away but his hands firmly held my hips still. _Oh my fucking god, he's gonna rim me!_  
  
"W-wait, don't!" I protested and gripped his black hair. "No! Bad Tarzan!"  
  
I may not be a blushing virgin, but I've never been rimmed either and I was sure as hell not mentally prepared for it! Tarzan just ignored me and shamelessly drove right in. Gasps escaped my lips as his wet tongue caressed my insides, stretching and teasing. The new feeling caused a tremor to run up my spine and my resistance was nonexistent. My legs felt like jelly and _oh hell, he fucking curled his tongue!_  He groaned against my ass and the deep sound vibrated through my body in a way I didn't know was possible. A moan dropped from my mouth and my grip in his hair tightened, I had no idea why or how this felt so good. When he pulled away he licked his lips, eyes glazed in arousal. The next thing I knew his cock was sliding into me and I was forced to accommodate his large size.  
  
"Ah! Fuck!" I yelled and clenched my eyes at the pain. "You vine swinging bastard."  
  
All I got was a grunt in return and a couple kisses to my neck as he stayed still, letting me adjust. _Damn caveman, shoving it in without warning me first._ I unclenched my hands from the furs I didn't remember taking hold of and grabbed his toned shoulders instead. More kisses were given to my neck and I opened my eyes once the pain had faded to a dull throb.  
  
Teal-green met blue-gray and for the second time that day I felt like the prey, this time much more willing to be devoured by the predator. I gave him a small nod. I'll be damned if he didn't smirk at me, face suddenly smug, and thrust with his caveman strength. My voice faltered while he quickly delivered a second thrust, followed by a third and a fourth. The furs rubbed my back as my body was pounded up and down, my orgasm suddenly at the forefront. Tarzan held nothing back as he claimed me as his own. When he found my prostate, my voice finally came back only to be lost in pants and drawn out in moans.  
  
"Shit . . ." I cursed under my breath, though it came out as more of a whimper. This man was determined to have me bedridden.  
  
I had his shoulders in a death grip now but he didn't seem to mind, mouth capturing mine. The kiss wasn't long because I had to breathe and _holy fuck this feels unreal._ My body was overtaken by pleasure, never having been taken to this level before. His head rested on my neck and his rumbling moans only spurred me on despite my own almost drowning them out. All my mind could focus on was his cock moving in and out and in again. I couldn't hold on like this, I was already so close. Suddenly I felt his come inside of me, his hips quickening as he released. It was all it took to set me off and I was violently coming too, untouched and near unconsciousness. My breathing stopped altogether until he stilled and came down from his high. All that could be heard where my harsh pants as I struggled to come down from mine.  
  
I smiled as I felt Tarzan hold me close, one hand moving to thread in my brown hair, head still buried in my neck. My body was too weak to return the gesture and I couldn't resist the call of sleep as once again my world went dark.  
  
-Time Break-  
  
"-ey! Hey, brat! Wake your ass up already!"  
  
I jolted awake and fell off the couch, face planting on the floor. Someone sighed to my right and I heard them pick up the remote to turn the TV off. I groaned and picked myself up off the ground to see who the hell just woke me. My mind was groggy and couldn't catch up to the fact that I wasn't surrounded by furs anymore, strangely back at home in my living room. I was not ready to see a short and very familiar man glaring at me with his arms over his chest.  
  
"T-tarzan?!" I yelped and took in this modern, non wearing loincloth version. _What in the hell is going on?_  
  
"Who the fuck are you calling Tarzan?" He said and I gaped at him.  
  
_Oh my god, he speaks! And that deep voice, take me now._ The Tarzan look alike was clearly unamused, growing more irritated the longer I just stared at him. For the life of me I couldn't figure out what was happening right now. _How . . . ? What . . . ?_ This wasn't making any sense. I was kidnapped and left to die in the jungle. Met and fucked a caveman. Then . . . woke up on my couch? _No, something isn't right. Hang on . . . . don't tell me it was all a dream?! The green? The prehistoric jaguar? The Tarzan? All of it was a fucking dream?!_ But Tarzan was standing right here! Or rather, a modern day Tarzan. His features were the same and so was his build. Yet this one talked and was still pissed that I was still staring.  
  
_Okay, let's go over this again._ On one hand, I wasn't stranded in the jungle and destined to never see my friends again. On the other hand, the best fuck of my life didn't really happen and Tarzan was really some form of this man right here who I have not had sex with.  
  
"Are you high?" The man asked, snapping his fingers in my face.  
  
I smacked his hand away and gave him a glare of my own. "Hell no! Who are you anyway? And more importantly, how the hell did you get in my house?"  
  
Was he a burglar? A psychopath? A salesman? _Fuck, if he is, I'll give myself to him for free. Woah, get your mind out of the gutter, Eren! Wake up and come back to reality._  
  
He re-crossed his arms and furrowed his brow. "The door was unlocked."  
  
" . . . So you just walked right in?" I asked, taken aback by the pure nerve of this guy.  
  
"You didn't answer when I knocked." He huffed like it was obvious. "I've come for my cat."  
  
_Alright, now I'm really confused._ "Your . . . cat?"  
  
He rolled his eyes and sighed again. "Yes, my cat. There's a hole in the fence separating our yards. The little demon crawled through it and is currently stuck in your tree."  
  
"Hang on a second, you're my neighbor?" Now this was just making my head hurt.  
  
The only neighbor I had was that old fart in the puke colored house. There was a white house next to me too, but last I checked it was vacant. He must've just moved in, though I had no idea how I missed it. The man sighed for the third time and pinched the bridge of his nose before responding.  
  
"Are you always this slow after sleeping? Or are you slow in general?" He asked and I would have smarted off if it hadn't taken me by surprise.  
  
_This asshole!_ He may look like Tarzan, but he has nothing on my dream caveman. Though there are similarities in their personality . . . fuck it, I would rather he didn't speak even if that was the only difference. _He's so damn rude!_ I gritted my teeth and held back my tongue.  
  
"Lets go get your cat." So you can hit the road and I can go back to sleep.  
  
"Finally." He said and it took all my self control to ignore him.  
  
I couldn't believe this man basically broke into my house, woke me up and insulted me in less than fifteen minutes. Then the bastard acted like he's the one being inconvenienced. I see my day had picked up right where it left off, giving me a hard time. I led the way to my backyard and he shoved past me, blue-gray eyes scanning the grass.  
  
"Corporal, come!" He firmly commanded. _Corporal? What kind of a name is that? Poor thing._ A little meow answered back and we looked up towards the sound.  
  
Corporal was currently stuck in my tree, just like he had said. What was it with cats and getting stuck in high places? Did they want to test it out and see if they landed on their feet? The short man called again but got another pathetic meow in response. _Yeah right, like the cat's gonna come down just because you asked it too._ And this guy had the nerve to call me slow.  
  
"Tsk. It seems I'll have to call the fire department after all." The guy grumbled and this time I was the one to roll my eyes.  
  
"No, I got it. I'll climb up there and rescue your cat." I offered but not out of the kindness of my heart.  
  
The last thing I needed was Mikasa or Armin finding out a fire truck was at my house. My other neighbor was a nosey old fart that loved to tell my business to anything that breathed.  
  
The man raised his brow and looked at me in disbelief. "You?"  
  
"Yes, me." I said, controlling my anger as best as I could. "What? I'm more than capable enough to climb a tree, my tree no less. The worst that could happen is I fall on my ass and listen to you laugh at me. Cats are supposed to land on their feet away."  
  
"You could fall and break something. Or worse, land on my cat." He pointed out and I decided to ignore him and start climbing.  
  
The small cat wasn't too high up, but there was a problem. Corporal was a black cat. The feline reminded me of the jaguar and I instantly disliked the little beast. My dream might have ruined cats for me forever. Despite that I still cooed at him, trying to get him to help me help him out of this tree. The second my hand was close enough to reach him, the mean thing bit me.  
  
"Ow! You little bastard!" I yelled as I pulled my hand back. I should've expected it, like owner like pet.  
  
"Oi! Don't you hurt my cat." The guy warned as he watched me from the ground.  
  
I looked at him over my shoulder and scoffed. "Your cat is the one hurting me! Teach your pet not to bite people!"  
  
"If he bit you, you're doing something wrong." He said matter of factly.  
  
"If you wanna come up here instead, then by all means! Otherwise, zip it!" I spat, fed up with his attitude. _I don't have to take his shit and he's lucky I'm even up here getting his oh so precious Corporal._  
  
I expected him to get mad and snap back but he smirked at me instead. That smirk reminded me so much of Tarzan that I couldn't help the blush that came over me. Seriously, the similarities were ridiculous and it really got under my skin. It was him but it wasn't him and I couldn't figure out how to feel about that yet. I turned my attention back to his cat and grabbed the scruff, stilling the little beast. Then I carefully cradled him against my chest and climbed back down. After I handed the black cat to his owner, the man gave me a once over, my skin tingling under his stare.  
  
"What?" I asked and internally praised myself for sounding normal. No telling what he would do if he knew how much he was affecting me. I blamed his Tarzan version.  
  
"Come over for dinner." He said, confusing the hell out of me.  
  
_Where did that come from?_ It was impossible to follow this guy's train of thought. "Don't you mean 'will you come over for dinner'?" I corrected, deciding to address that first.  
  
"It wasn't a request." He told me as he began petting Corporal who meowed in return. Honestly, I had never met someone so full of themselves. It was kind of hot, but still annoying.  
  
"Yeah, I don't think so." I said with a grin. "I don't date egotistical assholes."  
  
"Who said anything about dating?" He mused and I flushed at my slip of the tongue.  
  
_And my unlucky day continues, what the hell brain?_ "Uh, no, I didn't mean . . . well you were the one implying it!"  
  
"It's payment for getting my cat." He explained. "However, I am open to . . . suggestions." He added with a blatant leer.  
  
_Oh my god, my neighbor totally wants to fuck me!_ My body started getting hot at the thought but I wasn't about to get into bed with some stranger, even if we fucked in my dreams.  
  
"T-there will be no suggestions!" I insisted and he smirked again.  
  
"I'll be back tomorrow at seven. Be sure to be ready by then, I don't like to wait." He said and turned on his heel, leaving me alone in the yard with my face gobsmacked.  
  
That smug, cocky bastard . . . there was no way in hell I was going to his house for dinner. No way!

 


End file.
